Footprints – Facing My Fears
As I walk along the waters edge
I leave my footprints in the sand
The waves lap gently by my feet
The breeze stirs my senses.
A split second of peace before my fears return.
A moment of freedom from the thoughts that have been
tumbling round and round in my mind.
The terror of ‘what if’, of made up scenarios,
of failure, ridicule and obvious public humiliation.
My dream had seemed so real, so possible …
And yet now in the cold light of day,
at the point where it is about to become reality,
my self doubt, my past, my lack of belief in me
comes back with a determined vengeance.
laughing in my face, taunting me, haunting me,
overwhelming me - leaving me feeling as though
I am being tossed & turned in the stormy seas within my head.
Yet my worries, my concerns are all tricks of my mind.
My conscious brain tells me there is no truth to them.
They are pure fantasy created partially by a fear of success.
Life prepared me for failure,
with words of caution from the moment I could walk:
Be careful, watch out, don’t be so ridiculous, that wont work,
get real, who do you think you are!
Those who loved and cared for me
believed they were keeping me safe.
Yet in reality they were programming me to
stay within a small box of ‘safety’,
not too step out and take chances.
Failures were seen as something bad,
something negative, something to avoid at all cost.
Many years years later I now know
that failure is not something negative,
it can be positive and powerful.
It means that I took a chance,
I was prepared to learn a lesson.
It means I stepped out of my comfort zone
and tried something new.
It means I get to have an opportunity to try again
with more knowledge than I had before -
or I could choose to let it go and know it wasn’t for me.
The choice is mine - it is always mine.
So often we are programmed to believe the voices in our head,
to think that they are real, that they are truthful
and to be treated as fact.
Yet they are not!
The only truths for the future are that
the sun and moon will rise and set,
even if it is behind a dark and stormy cloud it is still there.
Everything else is pure fiction, story-telling,
whether it is something that someone else is telling me
or that I am telling myself.
As I leave the waters edge I have
a new confidence and determination in my stride.
No matter what - I always have a choice
and today, in this moment, I choose to take a chance,
to step up and step out,
to use my voice and actions
to make a difference.
I choose to follow my passion and purpose,
I choose to admit when I need help
and accept it when it is offered.
I choose to stop living in fear
or letting fear run my life.
I choose to see the sun - even if it is behind a cloud.
I choose to accept Me
And to be Me.
© Jaki Bent
About the Author
Jaki is the founder of If Everyone Cares CIC. After meeting hundreds of people who had been unable to find help & support when they were facing a crisis she decided it was a 'problem she wanted to be part of solving'. She is now part of a, small but dedicated, team who are creating Ododow - The Interactive Community Map to pin-point the UK's 200,000+ Charities & Community Projects - Ododow.org.